Golden Sunrise Forums

Me and a friend have recently been in disagreement because when the group of us hang out some of us play multi-player games on my ds, and she thinks this is rude and anit-social. I argue that we're playing multi-player so really its not anti-social if anything its pretty damn social. I understand that she might not like it as gaming isn't her thing, but the way she thinks that gives her a right to look down on us and tell us we're being rude has no grounds.
So she says that it's not just her and that its common knowledge that playing that sort of thing is rude while being out with friends, I would agree that playing a single player game might be seen as rude, but not at all a multi-player one. She had nothing to say to this other than: 'yes it is', so the argument kind of stopped.

I would usually just not worry about it because she's a very opinionated woman and is known among the group to be unreasonable and not worth debating with, but the argument has come up a few times and it seems she's no the only one in the group who feels that way, though others have added little more the the discussion.
So I'm wondering if it is rude, asking you guys, as gamers, may be a little bias but I'm curious: do you play handhelds in public (which is kind of what they're for) and around friends? Would you consider playing multi-player with some friends to be rude to those with no interest in playing?
Though I do understand that; being from England, what is and isn't rude is a larger issue then in other countries.

I can see it as rude to the person(s) who aren't playing. Here's three or four of you having whatever fun and one or two others just like... there. Even if you're still actively talking to them, the feeling of being outside the circle is unavoidable for them. Single-player games, not so much around friends.. But in general public, so long as you have headphones...

Well it's a fairly big group so the way it usually works out is about 2-3 of us playing games and maybe 3-4 people not, so then at worse its only half of us which is no worse then few people having a separate conversation in a large group. And even then its normally turn based games where one person takes their turn and then pass it on so it's not like we block them out all together, we're only each playing it less then half the time.

I think that doing an activity that alienates others in a group is rude. Even if it's gaming. In situations where everyone doesn't own a DS/PSP, maybe thinking about doing other things which include everyone is a more mannered approach. Organising to get together with only people who play them if you're going to do multi-player is preferable as well since you don't get the "left out" defensiveness from those who aren't interested in gaming.

However, if people exclude themselves by saying it's not fun or refusing to on grounds within their own control (especially if they own the hand-held and have it with them), then they can't legitimately pretend the people playing are being rude. If the person is bored after doing so then they can only blame themselves, join in even if they're bored with it, suggest/start doing something else, or else leave.

I think that passing a handheld device around so others can get a turn can help the issue if not everyone owns one, too.

Well in this situation I'm the only one with a DS so we're limited to just playing games that are turn based, and she has always been welcome to join in, and has once or twice, but our group often likes to play card games at the pub and that doesn't always involve everyone, I would argue that it's no different from leaving people who don't want to play out from that.

I can definitely see why it would be rude if we each had our own and played something that demanded your full attention and thus ignored everyone else, and why she might be jealous that we play something she doesn't enjoy as opposed to playing cards, but the card games get repetitive and are often really dull ones with little strategy, so I much prefer playing something a bit more competitive on the DS.

Still I can't help but feel it's being made out to be a bigger social faux pas then it should be because games have a bad image and are seen to be for social misfits, and she always tries to act less nerdy then she is and mostly avoids games, even though the few times we've got her to play she seems to enjoy them.